One Step Forward
by jellybeanpink84
Summary: Bella x Edward. All human, both Bella and Edward have dark pasts even though they've grown up together. Can they get it together enough to stay together through both good and bad. Rated M for mature themes and subject matter.
1. Chapter 1

_**I promised myself I wouldn't start posting any new stories until I was caught up on all of my other stories that are sort of hanging right now. But I really like this story and wanted to post it anyways. I won't however make any promises on how often I will update this one because I really have been working on finishing my other fics first.**_

_**This is an all-human fic – B x E and all other standard couples, Bella and Edward have just graduated high school and both have dark histories. Please read and leave any and all reviews as I don't usually write all human fics so I'd be interested in hearing opinions. **_

_**As always credit goes to Stephenie Meyer for her original characters.**_

**BELLA'S POV**

"Edward... I wish you'd call me back. I think we really need to talk." I put down my phone and tried to shake off the tears that had been threatening to fall. Again.

I sighed, knowing that he wasn't going to call me back. But knowing that didn't make me feel any better so instead of wallowing in self-pity I did the only thing I could do. I wiped the tears off of my cheeks with the back of my hand and stood up, grabbing my work uniform off the back of my desk chair and going towards the bathroom to get ready for another Friday night at the movies.

Soon I was wearing my ugly, butter-stained khaki pants and navy blue polo shirt – my name pinned to the right side and my long, brown hair pulled through the back of the ball cap in a messy-pony. My eyes were still slightly red when I pulled my rusty Chevy truck into the nearly empty parking lot and put it in park, seeing Alice's shiny yellow beetle already sitting there and letting out a loud groan. Even if she was my best friend, Alice was not one of the co-workers I was looking forward to seeing tonight.

"Hey Bells!" Her voice chirped out at me the second I opened the side door of the building and wound my way up the stairs to head towards the girls' locker room. She was already dressed and ready to begin her shift as I walked by, her nearly black hair tucked into a long pony-tail through her hat, her uniform crisp and clean, and her name badge perfectly straight. I didn't say anything, simply offering her a small smile before turning and chucking my bag in my locker and changing into my ugly black work shoes.

"So... you'll never guess what happened last night. Emmett had some friends over to 'study' and there was a new guy that I'd never seen before... he just moved here from Texas and..." I was only half listening as she mentioned her older brother and his friends, knowing from Alice's louder than normal excitement that there was obviously some guy there that she had liked.

"Bella?" I jumped as she touched my shoulder and I slammed my locker closed, turning to see her looking at me with a startled expression on her face. "What's wrong Bella? Why are you crying?" I hadn't even realized that the tears were once again streaking down my cheek and the second that I did, I tried like mad to brush them away, scrubbing at my eyes with my fists.

"Bella?" I was quickly loosing my grip and I began sinking to the floor now, my back pressed against the cold metal locker as she came closer to me, her arms wrapping around me tightly as I began to shake, the sobs not letting up. "You're scaring me a little bit Bella..." she whispered as I continued to try and control the sobs, to reign in my emotions and put my mask back on.

"I'm sorry Al..." I stopped my words as the door to the locker room swung open and a surprised looking coworker - Jessica Stanley - stood there awkwardly.

"Sam's getting pissed that there aren't any box office employees ready for their shift and down at the cash office counting their tills." She announced after a second and I sniffled, trying once more to regain control of my emotions so that I could get to work.

"Tell Sam we'll be right out." Alice stood up and walked up to Jessica, taking the door from beside her and pressing it closed in her face. "We'll be there in plenty of time to get the tills counted and the box office ready." She said before closing it completely and waiting quietly for a second before turning the lock and then walking back over to where I was still sitting on the ground.

"Alright Bella... spill." she said so firmly that I couldn't do anything but tell her. We had been best friends since we were toddlers... it was only right that I told her before anybody else... well almost anybody.

"I don't know what to do Alice. I can't reach him – he won't call me back or answer my texts... I even tried emailing him for Christ's sake!" For some reason my anger was easier to deal with then my sadness and disappointment.

It didn't take Alice long to figure out who the 'he' was, after all he was practically her brother and he and I had been together for years now. "What the fuck did Edward do to you Bella? Did he hit you... cheat on you... what the hell? I'm going to fucking kill him when I get home..." She was getting angry now, thinking the worst and in a way it was the worst. It was all of the worst combined.

"He got me fucking pregnant Ally." I was surprised I could say it, especially that I could say it so firmly and with so much anger. It wasn't the fact that I was pregnant that was killing me. It was what had happened the day that I had found out that angered me more than anything.

"What? You're pregnant? How the fuck did you let that happen Bella?" Her voice was taking on the high pitched edge that I only ever heard when she was either super excited or super pissed off. Suddenly she was back down beside me as I just watched her, my tears finally gone as my anger continued to boil, both of us now fueling the other.

"That's not the worst part Alice... yesterday... I stopped by your place to tell him right after school because he didn't show to biology again..." I couldn't even bring myself to say the rest, the nausea building back up in the pit of my stomach at just the thought of everything that I had seen as I walked in the front door of their house, not bothering to knock because... well I never knocked – I was practically living there already.

"_Edward are you home?" I called out as I pushed the door open, my face draining of any colour it had when I saw the sight directly in front of me. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe... I couldn't even look. So instead I shifted my eyes down, I watched my feet as I tried to order them to move, to run, to leave and never come back. _

"_Bella!" Edward's panicked voice rang in my ears and still all that I could do was stare at my feet and wonder why I was frozen there, unable to move or think or do anything. All I could see were my old sneakers on the ceramic tiles of the Cullen's spotless front entrance, and the sight I had walked into burned forever in my head. _

"_What the Hell are you doing here Bella?" I couldn't believe the tone he had suddenly picked up and my head shot up now, not surprised to see her still hovering behind him, her fists wrapped in the back of his shirt as I glared at the both of them. _

"_What am I doing here?" I was trying to control my voice but I couldn't, I could hear the hint of hysteria beginning to build but I didn't care. "What do you mean, what am I doing here Edward? Why the Hell wouldn't I want to bring my boyfriend who I assumed was sick his homework, why wouldn't I want to see you after barely having time to see each other the past few days... why wouldn't I want to tell you that..."  
_

"_He obviously doesn't want to be with you anymore Isabella." Before I could control myself I was across the foyer, my speed and strength both frightening me a little bit as I grabbed her by the hair and before I knew it had her pressed up against the wall, only this time it wasn't Edward pinning her there, this time it was me holding her, my anger beyond even my own control. _

"_Get off of her Bella... it isn't Tanya's fault!" He hissed at me but I didn't move, didn't pull back as her blue eyes stared back at me – a slight fear in them as she tried to pull my hands away from her. _

"_I said leave her alone Bella!" Edward's hands were on my upper arms now, pulling me back from her and pinning them down by my sides. I felt myself fighting him before he had me pressed back against the wall, my breath getting heavy as I began to panic at my new position. Tears were flowing freely down my cheeks as he held me there and soon I was sobbing, wanting only to hold myself together, to wrap my arms around my chest, but I couldn't as he continued to hold me. Turning around his weight was pressed slightly into me, his hands were tightening around my upper arms and I knew that there would be bruises forming as he spoke to her, telling her it was best if she left. _

_I closed my eyes and tried to control my chest as it began to heave, my breath coming in quick short spurts as I tried to struggle against his hold. He knew. He fucking knew I couldn't handle being held down like this. _

"_Bella! Shit!" he cursed and let go of me, my body automatically beginning to fall as I crouched against the wall, pulling my knees up to my chest. "It's okay Bella, take a deep breath... I'm not going to hurt you." I couldn't believe what he was saying and it only caused me to further panic as he crouched down in front of me and tilted my head up to look at his face, his fingers on my chin making my skin crawl. _

"_Leave... me... alone. Please... just leave me... alone..." I gasped out but he wouldn't let go. _

"_Bella... Tanya... it wasn't what it looked like..."_

_The anger was back again and even as I struggled to regain control from my panic attack I felt my hand reach up and slap him hard against the cheek, the loud snap reverberating through the much too big, too empty entrance. "I'm... she's... like... your cousin..." I hissed out and watched him look down, for the first time since I'd found him looking guilty. Tanya on the other hand just stood there, leaning back against the wall with a smirk plastered across her face._

"_She's not my cousin Bells... she's Alice and Emmett's cousin... and you know I'm not really their brother..." he spoke softly but it did nothing but anger me further. It didn't matter who she was... he had cheated on me with her._

_I couldn't take it anymore. The feeling of his fingers on my chin, his breath on my cheek... the velvety softness of his voice. The sound of a key turning in the front door before being pushed open caused me to jump up, my body's natural reaction to flee propelling me through the door as soon as it was opened and Esme Cullen stepped through it. I didn't pause as I heard her slight gasp, as she called out my name and I accidentally brushed past her husband, Carlisle on the way back to my truck, leaving him standing there in shock and staring after me._

"Alice! Bella! Let's go girls!" Sam's voice was rough as he knocked on the door to the locker room and I sighed, brushing my hand across my cheek one last time. Alice hadn't said anything since I had told her what had happened and I didn't blame her, the whole situation was just so entirely fucked up.

"Come on... let's go get everything set up. We'll go for milkshakes after work..." I looked at her expectantly and we both stood up. I knew I looked like crap, but I simply couldn't bring myself to care right now. All I cared about at the moment was making it through my shift without breaking down again.

I sat in my truck for what felt like hours outside the clinic in Seattle. My appointment time was still forty minutes away and I was trying to talk myself up. To convince myself that I could do this, that it was the best way. I couldn't bring an innocent child into the same fucked up world that I lived in, into a world where the father didn't want anything to do with either of us. Where I was already too screwed up to be a decent mother.

Pulling my sweater tighter around my torso I shivered as I stepped out and into the cool spring air and closed my eyes to collect myself before taking my first step towards the red-brick building. It looked like any other medical building from the outside... but I knew better... I knew what I was here for.

"Bella! Stop for a second Bella!" I turned at the sound of my name, convinced that it must be some other Bella that the familiar voice was calling for. There was no way that anyone should have known that I was here, that this was what I had planned. And yet... there they were, running across the street to get to me before I disappeared into the building.

"What are you doing here Alice?" I hissed quietly as she reached me, grabbing me and pulling me into her arms for a hug. I couldn't help it. I broke down again almost instantly with her suddenly there with me, knowing that of all people, she would be the one to guess what I was doing, where I was. Alice always knew me better than I even knew myself.

"I can't let you do this Bella. I know that you don't want to do this." I didn't say anything, only shaking my head and trying to pull out of her arms, the tears flowing freely down my cheeks as I fought against her.

"I don't have a choice Alice... I can't... I can't do this again." I cried out in frustration, knowing that she was right, that inside I didn't want to have to make this choice. But the way I saw it, I didn't have any other options.

"Why don't we go somewhere and talk over lunch Bella, if you still believe that you have no other choice then we'll make you a new appointment and even come back with you." Esme's voice sounded from behind Alice and it took me by surprise as I realized that she was there. That meant that she knew why I was there, she knew that I was pregnant. Nodding my head both in defeat and relief, I allowed Alice to pull me back from the door, holding her arm securely around my shoulder as they lead me over to the Cullen's black Mercedes.

Before I knew it we were sitting in a large private booth in a tiny Italian restaurant on the outskirts of Seattle, a heaping plate of pasta sitting in front of each of us. I couldn't eat though. Aside from the never-ending nausea from the pregnancy I simply had too much on my mind to be concerned with at the moment.

"How did you even know I was here Alice?" I decided to begin the awkward conversation and I watched as she looked up at me, taking a long sip of her soda before answering me. "You gave away your shifts at work for the next three days and when I called your house to see if you were alright, Charlie said you had come shopping in the city with a friend. You don't go shopping Bella." she whispered and I nodded. I should have known that Alice would come looking for me, she really was the best friend that anybody could have.

"Why didn't you tell me you were planning this Bells?" She asked softly after a minute of silence – none of us wanting to speak next - and I simply shook my head at her. She knew about my past, it had been she and Esme who had always been there for me previously and it was exactly for those reasons that I couldn't tell her... that I hadn't been able to tell either of them.

"I couldn't tell you Alice... I knew you'd try to stop me." I whispered gently and suddenly I felt Esme's hand reach over and take my own in hers. "I don't have a choice though. I can't... I can't do it again. I never should have let myself get into this situation again and I'm so so sorry for that, but I just can't do this." I continued and I felt Esme squeeze my hand gently.

"I can't imagine what you're feeling Bella, but I agree with Alice. I can't just sit back and watch you make this mistake. I know you Bella and no matter what happened before, you need to really think about this before you make this decision now. You always have choices – options." She spoke softly but firmly and I looked up into her eyes, nodding my head. I knew she was right, but my heart was breaking all over again as I remembered what had happened the last time, what had ultimately driven me to my decision this time.

"Let's talk about this Bella." I knew that she was right, that I needed to think about it some more, but I wasn't sure if I was ready to talk about it in detail. "How far along are you sweetie? Have you been to the doctor?" I nodded at the second question and then answered the first, "I'm almost nine weeks already... I would have done this sooner but I was in denial for the first couple of weeks. I went to the doctor earlier this week though... he confirmed it." I whispered the words and found myself unable to stop another tear from escaping. Speaking about it out loud made it all the more real and all I wanted was to pretend it never happened.

Esme looked like she was trying to figure out the way to word her next question and I just shook my head at her, already knowing what she was going to ask. "I won't consider adoption – you probably know that already... I just... can't...do that. And I don't have the resources, the time, the ability to raise a child." Without realizing what I was doing I found my free hand wandering down and resting against my stomach, my mind not wanting to acknowledge that I was pregnant, and my body not letting me forget.

"Forget all of the details for a minute Bella. Like I said before, we'll support you no matter what you choose to do. I can't imagine how you are feeling right now, especially after Emily..." I felt my body tense at the mention of her name, a stab of pain touching through my heart, "- but can you live with this choice Bella? I mean, really live with it?" I was already shaking my head, more tears trickling down my cheek by the time she finished speaking and I knew that my choice was made in that minute. I was going to be having a baby... Edward's baby.

"Bella, you may be only eighteen but I have no doubt in my mind that you will be an amazing mother if you choose to have this baby. And you will not have to do it alone. Carlisle and I, Alice, Emmett... we will all be here for you." She said firmly and I didn't miss the fact that she deliberately left out Edward's name.

"Edward doesn't even know yet... I tried to tell him..." She pushed out of her spot in the booth then and came over to me, wrapping me up in her arms and letting me cry yet again. I was beginning to think I would literally drown myself in tears. "You don't have to tell me what happened – Alice filled me in, and Bella, while we love Edward like he's our son – we do not support his actions that day and will be dealing with it." She assured me and I simply nodded. I didn't know what to say to that.

"I guess I'm having a baby?" It came out more as a question then as the statement that I had intended it to be and Esme simply smiled at me, Alice reaching across the table to join in our hug.

"Come on Bella, you need to get some nourishment in you if you're going to be having my grand-baby." Esme's tone was comforting and I couldn't control the small but worried smile that slipped onto my face as I picked up my Fork and took a small bite of the now nearly-cold pasta.

"I have no idea what I'm doing." I confessed as I swallowed and Esme just smiled again, "Bella, no new mother ever has any idea what they are doing... that just makes you absolutely normal."

***Well – what did you think? Leave a review and let me know!**


	2. Chapter 2

***Here's the second chapter of this fic – I'm only able to post it this quickly because it was already written. Again, I can't promise regular updates but I will try hard to not just leave it for huge lengths of time. Enjoy!**

***As always credit goes to Stephenie Meyer for her original characters.**

"_I have no idea what I'm doing." I confessed as I swallowed and Esme just smiled again, "Bella, no new mother ever has any idea what they are doing... that just makes you absolutely normal."_

**EDWARD'S POV**

"What is this all about Esme?" I stormed into the room and ignored the look of hurt that crossed the small woman's face as I threw myself down into the chair beside her in Carlisle's office, wondering where Carlisle himself was and what we were waiting for. Esme had simply sent me a text message a few minutes before, requesting that I join her down here and I was confused as to why she didn't just come up to my room to talk to me like she usually would.

"Carlisle will be joining us in just a moment Edward, but I want you to just listen to me for a second first. We have several things that we need to talk to you about and we need you to listen calmly and think about everything before you say anything at all. Can you do that today, son?" She asked me sweetly and I sighed, running my hands through my hair. I didn't care if I messed it up – it was always a mess no matter what I did.

"I promise that I'll at least try and listen before I say anything Esme," There was that look again, the hurt that she tried to hide as I called her by her given name. I supposed I couldn't blame her for being hurt by my attitude lately. After all I had called her 'Mom' for the past decade and now with everything going on I had been taking my anger out on both her and Carlisle... and Bella. It wasn't even that I had simply begun to call them by their given names either, I had been rude and distant to everyone. I had been skipping classes and avoiding Bella... staying out later than I normally would at night and avoiding the rest of the family. That's when I caught up with Tanya – or I guess when and how she had caught up with me. Everything had already been spiraling out of control when we had come across each other and I hadn't been smart enough to keep her at arms' length this time.

I shook my head to try and rid myself of the thoughts that were running through my head, the memories of everything that I had done to screw up lately and saw Esme watching me with a curious expression on her face. I watched as she opened her mouth, as though to speak when I heard the footsteps behind me but I could tell right away that it wasn't just Carlisle coming into the office. There were too many steps being taken for it to just be a single person walking across the hardwood. Turning my head I was slightly surprised and suddenly very angry when I saw her standing there with him, refusing to meet my eyes, her hands wrapped around her torso tightly, as though holding onto herself. I understood the second chair on the opposite side of Carlisle's desk now and it took everything in me not to shoot up out of my seat and grab Bella and yell at her for what I knew she had told these people who had been like parents to me. She had told them about Tanya and I... about how she had caught me with their niece. I couldn't believe that she had done it. Bella was timid and shy and usually took everything on herself and the anger bubbled at the thought of her ratting me out, but more than that I could feel the shame and the guilt already setting reality I wasn't angry at Bella at all... I was angry at myself for my actions in the first place and simply wanting to take it out on her.

"Edward." Carlisle's tone was firm and I looked down at my hands, feeling his disappointment as it bore down into me. I hated feeling their disappointment and after a moment I couldn't stop myself from blurting out the first thing that came to mind, "Tanya... it wasn't what you think it was..." I brought my eyes up to Carlisle's as he closed his own, pinching the bridge of his nose with one hand while raising his other hand to silence me. I heard a sniffle from Bella but couldn't bare to look over at her, to see the same look of not just disgust but hurt – and fear – that I'd seen non-stop whenever I closed my eyes, since the day that she had found us.

"As much as we do need to discuss what happened between yourself and Tanya, this is not why we are here right now." Esme's voice was sharp and her words bit at me harshly. She almost never got angry, and if she did she never showed it. So for her to let out even a small hint of anger in her words, I knew that she was most likely absolutely furious with me.

"Okay... then I'm not sure why we're here... what's going on? Why is Bella here?" I turned to look at her and she looked absolutely petrified. I hated that she was scared of me and wanted so badly to go to her, to wrap her in my arms and tell her that everything was going to be okay... but I knew it wasn't and I was the last person that she would want to comfort her right now.

"Edward," I turned my head back to Carlisle who was now sitting forward at his desk, his hands clasped in front of him. "Bella wanted to speak to you but asked us to be present for support." Carlisle said slowly, obviously judging my reaction to this. I didn't do anything though, just wondered what the hell she could possibly want to say that she would be comfortable enough discussing in front of my family – my parental figures.

The room silenced and I watched as she squeezed her eyes shut tightly, trying to gather the strength to say whatever it was that she felt she needed to say to me and just as I was beginning to get impatient she blurted it out.

"I'm pregnant Edward." I almost started laughing as the words hit my ears. If it hadn't been for the completely serious, completely shattered expression on her face, I most likely would have. Surely she couldn't be serious though, could she? There was no way... it was impossible. "I'm pregnant Edward." She said it again and bit down on her lower lip nervously, watching me as I felt my mouth fall open in surprise, all of the colour draining from my face. "You're the father Edward... and I've decided I'm going to have the baby and raise it." She paused and swallowed, closing her eyes briefly again before continuing. "I don't expect anything from you at this point, but I thought that you should at least know about it." She was quieter during the last bit and now it was my turn to squeeze my eyes shut. There was no way that I was hearing this, that this was happening... she couldn't be pregnant, not with my child... and if she was... shit! What had I done?

"You're sure... one hundred percent Bella?" Her lip was quivering as I said the words and I knew they came across differently than I had intended them to, "I mean... just... we were _safe..._ every time... you were on birth control – you never missed a pill." I said trying to clarify and before I knew it she was crying silently again, the tears falling faster down her cheeks the longer the room stayed silent.

"I'm sure Edward. I honestly don't know how it happened. I know we were careful... I know we used protection every time and you're right... I was completely anal about taking those stupid pills every single day. But I'm sure. I'm nine weeks pregnant. I've already been to the doctor's and I tried to tell you when I first found out... that day..." I felt sick to my stomach now, understanding what she was trying to say without saying it. She came over to tell me that she was pregnant with our child and she caught me with fucking Tanya instead.

"Oh my God... Bella... I..." she was sniffling again and once again all I wanted to do was go to her, but I knew that wouldn't help right now. "Bella I..."

"I already told you that I don't expect anything from you Edward... I only came because I thought that you should know." her eyes were looking down and I watched as her hands reached for the arm rests on the chair and she pushed her body up so that she was standing.

"Bella no. Don't leave... let's talk about this...please..." I didn't know what else to say and I looked desperately to Carlisle for help, but he didn't move from his seat even though I could tell he was ready to jump in if Bella needed any help.

"I never meant to hurt you Bella and I'm so sorry that you had to see... what you did. And I know that you have every right to walk away right now and I know that you will never forgive me for what I did... but I'm also not going to make you do this alone. If you are having that baby I want to at least be involved with it... I'm not going to leave him or her fatherless." I couldn't believe the words coming out of my mouth and I struggled with what I was saying wanting to say so much more, wanting to crawl on my knees and beg her for my forgiveness... but I didn't deserve it. I already knew that I didn't deserve that from her. I never would.

"I... I... can't do this... just leave us alone Edward." With that I watched as she took off out of the room, her hands clutching her sides as her shoulders heaved with the heaviness of her sobs. Esme jumped up from her chair beside me and took off after Bella, giving me a look that told me to give her a minute when I sat up – debating whether or not to run after Bella myself. Instead I slumped back down in my chair and felt my own shoulders begin to heave with the weight of what I'd done to the girl that I loved.

"You seem to be taking the news rather well." Carlisle shifted to sit back in his chair as he spoke and I ran my hands through my hair once more as I thought over his words carefully.

"I'm still in a little bit of shock... I can't believe... I'm going to be a father." The words sounded strange coming out of my mouth but not bad... kind of good. Under better circumstances I would almost be excited about the prospect of becoming a father... especially with Bella as the mother.

"Are you prepared to support Bella and the child son?" Carlisle asked calmly and I first nodded and then shook my head. "I know that I won't abandon a child that I helped to create Carlisle. Of course I will support them financially and I want to be involved in the child's life... but I'm unsure of how to support Bella. I don't know if she'll even allow me to be involved in either of their lives." I could feel my frustration with myself growing stronger again and I felt a low growl escape my chest as I smashed my fists against my thighs.

"How the hell did I fuck everything up so badly?" Carlisle cringed slightly at my choice of words but didn't move from his spot, his mouth simply turning down into a frown as he thought over my question for a moment before answering. "To be honest, I'd like to know the answer to that question as well. What's going on lately Edward? When did things with Bella start to go bad and when did things with Tanya begin? I know that there is something else going on Edward, Esme and I have known for a while. But we also didn't want to push you, hoping that you would come to us with whatever has been bothering you these last few weeks." He asked and I felt my shoulder slump down even further. I didn't want to tell him the truth, nobody knew what was going on and that was partly why I was acting out.

"I received a package in the mail a few weeks ago." I could already feel my tears building as I whispered the words and pictured the thicker envelop that I had pulled from the mailbox several weeks prior, but for the first time in years, I didn't care if I cried. I didn't know how to handle it any longer, and obviously the way that I had been handling things up until now wasn't working out very well for me... or for anybody else.

"What was in the package Edward?" his voice was curious now and I cringed as I thought about it. This was it... if I showed it to him, there was no going back.

"Come up to my room and I'll show you." I whispered back in a defeated voice. I might have been eighteen and dealing with adult issues... but when it came to this particular issue I was very much feeling like a small child. Thankfully Carlisle didn't press for any more information as we both stood up and I led the way out of his study and up the stairs towards the third floor and my bedroom.

My feet felt like they were made out of lead as I approached my desk and I sighed, not knowing what he would think of me after I made him watch it, but knowing that I couldn't just explain it. "Here... watch this. I'm going to wait outside the door." I opened up my laptop and clicked on the file, entering in the password I had added to it before pausing it at the opening screen, a simple text frozen there – white words on a black screen.

_**To Edward, thought you might want these memories from your childhood, love Dad.**_

As I walked from the room and stood just outside the door I heard Carlisle's intake of breath as the lyric-less music began to play and I could picture what he was seeing on the screen. It felt like hours before Carlisle finally came out to join me in the hallway but in reality it was only a minute or two. His face was white and I knew that he didn't need to see the rest of the video to understand now why I had been acting out recently. It was the first time that I had shown – or even told – anyone the depth of what had really happened before I came to live with the Cullens.

"Edward..." For the first time that I could remember, Carlisle seemed truly at a loss for words and as he reached over to put his hand on my shoulder he looked devastated when I jumped back at the contact automatically.

"It's no excuse... but I... I just didn't know how to handle... seeing... that." My voice cracked and I felt my face becoming wet with moisture as I tried to fight off my own feelings of guilt, of hatred and disgust.

"I had no idea it was that bad Edward... you were... just a boy..." he looked like he was trying to gather some sort of coherent thought through his own shock, "Why didn't you come to Esme and I when you first got the video Edward?" Carlisle asked gently, slightly more composed and I simply shrugged. I couldn't. I was still disgusted with the fact that I had shown him even now... I could only imagine what he now thought of me after seeing even a small part of that video.

"What do I do now Dad? I've screwed everything up with Bella so badly... and now there's a baby that's going to need me to love it and protect it. I can't even protect myself!" I let my voice rise slightly and I tried once again to reign in my anger, something that I was learning that I wasn't very good at doing.

"Edward, when you came to live with us more than ten years ago you were hurting and confused. You had been abused by your father and your mother had recently passed away. Esme and I watched as you found comfort with us and learned to trust us. We watched as you grew from someone who had been hurt by the person who was supposed to take care of you into a person who took care of everybody. Emmett may be a year older than you but Esme and I were so proud when we saw how close you two became, when you would stand up for him even though he was twice your size. And when we realized how close you and Alice had become we thought for sure that we were going to have to worry about you two becoming too close. But when Alice brought Bella over for the first time after you moved in and we watched the way you two clung together, we both knew. You two were practically inseparable for the first six years that you lived here, and I've never seen two people more perfect for each other. While you were adjusting well with us, it was Bella that always made you live your life. She helped you to heal and was a major contributor to helping you learn to trust people. And then when Bella moved in with her dad... you were so devastated... but even when everything happened – with Jacob and Emily - you were there and it was you that saved _her _life.

Both of you have been traumatized Edward and while I definitely do not condone your recent actions, I can in way at least understand why you acted out. I only made it less than thirty seconds into the video before I couldn't watch anymore, and while the video itself disgusts me and makes me so angry that anyone could do that to an eight year old child, it makes me even more furious to know that it was our sweet, innocent Edward. When you first came to live with us, we had you seeing a therapist... I think... maybe it would be a good time to talk to someone again Edward. And then I think you need to sit down and talk to Bella, tell her what's been going on." I was crying even harder when he finished talking and I couldn't help but feel like that little boy on the video again.

"Carlisle... how do I tell her... that... tell her that my biological father decided to spend the time to track me down after more than a decade. Not only that but he sent me a fucking video that I didn't even know existed of him fucking raping me as a child!" I could feel my voice rising slightly again and couldn't believe I had said the words out loud. I had never had the nerve to actually say it before – even during therapy, and especially not in front of my family.

"Edward?" I hadn't heard her sneak up the stairs and I had no idea how long she'd been standing there in the stairway, her back against the wall as she listened to Carlisle and I talking about this painful part of my past. I did know immediately though that she had heard enough to begin to understand and soon she was kneeling in front of me on the floor, her hand hesitantly resting on the top of my knee. As the shame began to fill me I pushed her hand away and rested my head on my knees and tried to cover my face. I didn't want her to see me this way... I didn't need her to pity me.

"Look at me Edward... please." It wasn't a demand, but a request and I couldn't refuse her small voice, her hand as she pushed my head up gently. She didn't say anything else for a minute and I watched from the corner of my eye as Carlisle stood up and quietly left us sitting there. I knew he would want to talk more to me later on but for now he was giving us at least a little bit of privacy.

"I wish you had told me Edward..." she whispered softly and I felt the guilt beginning to eat away at me. How could I have done this to her, to Bella, to the one girl that I swore when I was eight that I would never ever hurt.

"I... I couldn't Bella." I said just as softly, my voice slightly rough from my earlier crying jag.

"I love you Edward. You could have come to me... instead of... using... her..." she was trying to hold herself together and I felt my heart shattering as her face showed how much I had actually hurt her. "I know Bella... I just... I didn't know how. I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you." I moved my hands up to hold onto her shoulders and felt her stiffen in front of me. Shit. I knew she hated being held still. "I'm sorry Bella... I won't..." I let go of her but she surprised me by pulling my hands back to her shoulders and then reaching across to wrap her arms around my back.

"I know you won't hurt me physically Edward... but you did hurt me." We were holding each other tightly and I knew then that things, at least for now would be okay. We would be able to talk this out, to understand what went wrong.

"I'll never be able to make up for the way that I hurt you Bella... but I swear, I swear I'll do everything in my power to never hurt you again." I said with determination and she pulled me closer, holding me tighter as I felt her tears against my neck.

"Edward... I'm pregnant." She pulled back from me as she said the words and we both shifted, me pulling her into my side before I spoke again. "I know... and I know the timing isn't the greatest," she actually snorted at this wording and it made me relax a little bit to know that she was starting to find some humor and relax herself. "But I promise you... I will never hurt our child. I will never walk away from him or her, I will never hurt it emotionally or physically, and I will do my absolute best to never hurt you again either Bella. I will do everything in my power to make sure that he or she has the childhood that neither of us had the chance to experience." She was crying again as I spoke but as her arms gripped me tighter I knew it was in relief this time and I couldn't resist snaking my arm around to her front and under her cotton t-shirt, surprised by the very slight bulge I immediately discovered between her hips.

"Come on, let's go into my room where it's a little more comfortable and talk some more. I think I have some explaining to do." I said and reached for her hand, pulling her up to her feet with me and wrapping my arm back around her shoulders as I led her into my room, turning to close the door behind us. When I turned back around to lead Bella to the bed I didn't understand why she stayed rooted to her place just inside the door until I followed her gaze and nearly vomited on the spot.

***I know that there may be a few questions about everything even though I am moving quickly through the storyline, but don't worry, everything will start to make sense soon! Once again – let me know what you think, reviews make the fanfic world go round!**


	3. Chapter 3

***Here's the second chapter of this fic – I'm only able to post it this quickly because it was already written. Again, I can't promise regular updates but I will try hard to not just leave it for huge lengths of time. Enjoy!**

***As always credit goes to Stephenie Meyer for her original characters.**

"_Come on, let's go into my room where it's a little more comfortable and talk some more. I think I have some explaining to do." I said and reached for her hand, pulling her up to her feet with me and wrapping my arm back around her shoulders as I led her into my room, turning to close the door behind us. When I turned back around to lead Bella to the bed I didn't understand why she stayed rooted to her place just inside the door until I followed her gaze and nearly vomited on the spot._

**Bella's POV**

I had heard most of their conversation once Esme had convinced me to just speak with Edward. She was right of course and I did want to hear out what he had to say, but I was also terrified of him, of the way that he had hurt me. But as I now stood just inside the entrance of Edward's room – a room that I was usually more comfortable in than any other – nothing that he had said to Carlisle mattered... I was completely unprepared for what I was seeing. It was as though my eyes were glued to the screen on Edward's desk, the image of him frozen there, even my breath halted as I realized exactly what Edward had been through as a child. It wasn't as though the video showed everything – Edward's face as a child was the focus, pressed on it's side into the bed as his eyes stared blankly to the side, nothing showing on his face as tears were paused mid-way down his cheeks. The only other thing you could see was a dark shadow behind Edward and from the angle of it you could tell what was happening.

"Shit!" I had never seen Edward move as fast as he did when he realized what I was staring at, the screen slamming shut, the entire laptop sliding off his desk and crashing to the floor at the sudden action.

By the time I recovered my own shock Edward had already stormed away from the computer and back out the door to his room. I tried to quickly follow him when I realized he had actually left the room, only the sounds of his heavy steps leaving me any indication of which direction he moved. I didn't know where he was going and when he reached the living room and bounded out the back door, slamming it behind him. I was beyond confused.

"What happened Bella?" I spun around just as I reached the door that was still vibrating from Edward's harsh closing and saw Carlisle standing there, watching me curiously.

"I... I don't know... We were going to talk and then we went into his room – but his computer was on... the screen..." I trailed off as Carlisle's face seemed to register what had happened and he motioned for me to sit beside him on the sofa.

"I'm sorry Bella... I didn't realize that it was still on the screen, I thought that I had closed it before I left the room." he apologised to me and I shook my head. It wasn't his fault and as much as I hated seeing the images on the screen – seeing what had happened to him as a child... it did make it more real.

"I know Edward... he'll be back." Carlisle spoke knowingly as I looked back towards the door before sighing and finally moving to join him on the other end of the couch, pulling my legs up under me as I sat down.

"I'm really sorry for all of the trouble I'm causing." I whispered quietly and picked at a loose thread at the hem of my shirt. I was fighting back another wave of tears and didn't know what else to say... who else to talk to. Carlisle and Esme weren't technically either mine or Edward's biological parents but I knew that both of us felt like they were.

"Bella," Carlisle let out a deep breath as he said my name and I blinked again, trying to push back the tears as I looked up at him. He didn't seem upset though, possibly tired... but not upset. "We consider you a part of our family Bella – you know that. And while you and Edward are both fairly young – you haven't done anything wrong Bella. I realize that this time isn't easy for you, and obviously Edward is also going through some things at the moment. But we want you to know that we love you and are here for you both, no matter what." He spoke seriously and reached over and grabbed my hand, his large hands making my own feel tiny. Giving a little squeeze he smiled at me and I couldn't help but to smile back at him... he really was like a father to me.

"Have you decided how and when you are going to tell your father yet Bella?" My brief calm was crushed again as he asked me the question but before I could answer a booming voice interrupted instead.

"Tell Charlie what?" It never failed to surprise me how Emmett could barge into a room and take us all by surprise. He was always so loud but had a weird tendency to suddenly just appear and scare the crap out of me with his obnoxious voice. "Never mind... I probably don't want to know." he said again before I could come up with some sort of sarcastic remark.

"I have news!" He announced loudly, plopping down in the chair across from where Carlisle and I were seated. "Where is everyone?" He asked and looked around before yelling for them – loudly. "Mom! Alice! Edward!" I just shook my head and tried not to cry as Esme walked gracefully into the room, wearing a pink frilly apron that she used to dust the flour off of her hands.

"Emmett! Stop yelling!" Rosalie – Emmett's current girlfriend rolled her eyes at me as she followed Esme into the room and joined Emmett on the chair, sitting delicately on his lap and running her hands through her perfect blond hair. I had to admit as I watched them that even though Rosalie seemed to give off a cold vibe when you first met her, she and Emmett were good together. Emmett's massive bulk and loud voice was only controlled by the blond supermodel who was currently sitting on his lap – she had him completely whipped.

"Where are Alice and Edward?" Emmett looked at me as he asked the question and I shrugged. I didn't know where either of them were. "I'm right here you buffoon!" Alice exclaimed as she danced in and came to sit down on the arm of the sofa beside me. "I heard you yelling from my car outside!" she scolded him and Esme looked over at him disapprovingly.

"Is there something you want to talk about Emmett?" Carlisle grabbed his attention with the question and I tried to focus on what was going on around me. Emmett obviously had some sort of announcement to make, but I honestly just wanted Edward to return so that I could speak with him – sort out this shit storm we were going through.

"You guys might be pissed at first... but just remember - Rosie and I are happy about this." he began uncharacteristically slow and I blinked as I looked at them. In the brief pause I realized how obvious it was as he said the words and I watched them, Rosalie sitting on Emmett's lap, his hands wrapped around her and resting on her lower abdomen as she sat there and just simple glowed. Yes. She fucking glowed.

"Rose is pregnant. We're having a baby." I immediately felt awful about my reaction but I couldn't help it. I bolted before the words were even fully out of his mouth. Carlisle attempted to keep a hold of my hand in a calming manner but I ripped my hand out of his and ran directly for the door. I could hear their voices behind me, Emmett's being the loudest as he cursed and called after me. I tripped once as I reached the porch steps, taking a moment to steady myself before I continued on, not stopping until I reached my truck and yanked the door open.

My eyes were cloudy, filled with tears as I turned the key in the ignition and slammed it into gear, driving faster down their winding driveway than I usually dared. I knew that I shouldn't be driving when I was this upset, but I didn't want to slow down though. I couldn't stop. I didn't even fully understand why I was so upset. But I was. I most likely broke every speed limit on the drive back to my house and I didn't care that I parked in the middle of the driveway as I slammed my door shut and stormed into the house.

I don't know how long I cried after I flopped down on my bed but the tears just kept flowing down my cheeks, my sobs shaking my entire body as I let out my hurt and fears, my anger and frustration. When the doorbell rang I couldn't even bring myself to return downstairs to open the door. When the doorbell rang a second time I debated going down but then the tears just started again and I buried my head in my pillow instead as I began all over again.

"Bella?" I had rarely heard Alice's voice so controlled before and as I felt the bed dip beside me she touched my shoulder softly and I jumped, swallowing hard as I tried my best to stop my crying. Finally my sobs began to die down and I tried to regulate my breathing as the tears dried up. Rolling over I grabbed a tissue to blow my nose before I looked at Alice.

"Are you alright?" Alice was usually too bubbly to be serious so I knew she was worried about me and I felt even worse for my reaction when I saw the concern on her face. "I'm sorry Alice... it's just been a rough day." I explained, my voice hoarse from my tears.

"Dad filled me in on what happened with Edward earlier... at least the basics." she said and I closed my eyes, the image from his computer screen still haunting me as she reminded me of how much had happened in a single afternoon.

"I don't know what to think anymore Alice." I began to vent and could feel all of the emotions swirling around in my heart as I thought it all through. "I mean... what I saw that day... I can't forget it. But at least now I know why he was pulling away, why he felt the need to – act out – and I just don't know anymore. I love him Alice. I've loved him since I was eight years old, but nothing has ever been easy for either of us and now... we have this that we have to figure out as well." I gestured to my stomach and she nodded knowingly, but also began to smile a little bit.

"Everything will work itself out Bella... and I know my brother has been an ass lately, but Edward loves you too." she said and I tried to smile, tried to find some sort of hope to cling to at her words, but it was difficult and I didn't exactly feel like being positive right now.

"She's right." I jumped at his words and cursed under my breath as I turned and saw Edward sitting in the tree right outside my window. He had climbed into my room from that tree more times than I could count and I was relieved in a way that he had chosen to come this way even if it did scare the crap out of me.

"What am I right about this time?" Alice sang smugly and sent me a wink. She looked like she was about to jump up and leave so I grabbed her hand in mine and held her there. I needed my best friend right now.

"I love you Bella." He didn't move from his spot in the tree and I gestured for him to come in, watching as he swung his legs in a minute later. He didn't come any further in though and I watched as he stood awkwardly by the window, his eyes pleading with mine for understanding.

"I'm sorry for running out like that earlier Bella. I didn't realize that Carlisle had left that up when we entered my room and it terrified me that you saw... what you did." He apologized and I saw his eyes flash with pain as he mentioned the image and I felt my own eyes soften. "I returned home and Carlisle said you left suddenly and were quite upset." he looked at both Alice and I questioningly while I looked back down at my hands, embarrassed by my earlier departure yet still slightly upset about Emmett and Rosalie's news for so many reasons.

"Did he tell you what upset me?" I asked quietly and he remained silent for a moment before offering me a weak 'no', and then continued, "well... he tried, but I sort of ran out after you and didn't really pay any attention to what he was saying." he looked apologetic as he watched me, waiting for me to explain it. I opened my mouth to speak but when nothing came out I looked to Alice for help.

"Emmett made an announcement," she said and Edward almost looked annoyed at her before she continued. "Rose is pregnant." His face paled as he realized why I was upset and in an instant he was beside me, sitting on the other side of the bed, his hand reaching out to hold mine before he spoke again.

"It's stupid. I shouldn't have left the way I did and spoiled their announcement." I whispered and I felt him more than saw him shake his head.

"Bella, I'm sure they all understand why you were upset and it was inconsiderate of Emmett to just blurt it out like that regardless, especially given what happened... before." Alice spoke up and I pulled my hands back from both her and Edward. I didn't need their pity right now, and I didn't need them bringing up my past.

"Look... I'm sorry for my reaction earlier, but I just need some space right now. I need some time to just deal with shit." I felt bad again but I was easily overwhelmed and my emotions were still going haywire, not to mention the swirling nausea was building stronger and stronger in the pit of my stomach. Neither Alice nor Edward moved and after a moment I pushed myself up, crawling down the centre of my bed towards the end where I climbed off and grabbed my towel and pajamas before heading to the bathroom. If they weren't going to leave then I was going to go somewhere that I could at least get some privacy to melt down and freak out on my own.

I ran the water as soon as I opened the bathroom door, and as I stepped under the spray I felt my shoulders relax almost immediately, the hot water feeling amazing as it cut through my tension. Surprisingly I didn't cry again as I stood there, just letting the warmth coat my body, my hands finding their way to my torso and looking down at the tiny but distinct bump that was already forming between my hips. By the time I was finished my shower the water was beginning to run cold and I had relaxed a great deal, my hands massaging my belly as I tried to imagine him or her. It was difficult but I tried to let myself be happy at the prospect of my new little one.

I took my time drying off and brushing out my hair as I tried to focus on the positive and not the shit that was going on. By the time I was done I was exhausted and considering heading straight to bed, despite the early time. But as I dumped my clothes in the hamper and turned towards my room I heard the front door bang open, Charlie's boots stomping into the foyer.

Charlie and I weren't close and most of our time together was spent in silence. There weren't really very many words that could describe the guilt we both felt, the way our relationship had been shattered after I had come to live with him. It wasn't that he was abusive or mean in any way. In fact it was the opposite and I knew that he cared for me greatly... it was that care though that had also broken us both.

"I brought home pizza Bells," he called up the stairs as I began to head down to say hello and I immediately began to hold my breath... the scent of pizza was not something that my stomach could handle right now.

"I actually already ate earlier with Alice and Edward." I lied as I rounded the corner into the kitchen, following him in and leaning against the wall while he helped himself to his dinner and reached into the fridge for a can of soda to go with it. As I took a deep breath I couldn't help but inhale the scent of garlic and cheese, my stomach lurching at the strong odors and it took everything in me to swallow back the nausea.

"You don't look very well Bells... you okay?" Charlie asked and I closed my eyes. I couldn't tell him. Not yet. Instead I just shook my head, telling him that I was tired and I was going to turn in early. He nodded, not attempting to stop me and I turned and left quickly, not able to get away from the smells fast enough. But just as I reached the stairs, a light tapping on the door stopped me and I spun around to answer it, freezing as I swung it open and saw her standing there.

"Rosalie?" She just stood there awkwardly, not answering and looking unsure of herself. I could feel Charlie coming up behind me, the smell of his pizza sending my stomach back swirling.

"Who's there Bells?" he asked, peeking over my shoulder while I swallowed convulsively, trying to control my nausea.

"Just a friend of mine... have you met Rosalie yet Dad?" I tried to act casual and Rosalie pasted a smile on her face, sticking her hand out for Charlie to shake. He took it carefully and gave me a quizzical look before shrugging and turning back towards the living room, "Nice to meet you Rosalie." he called back over his shoulder and I breathed out a sigh of relief before turning back to her.

"I hope you don't mind me just showing up here like this Bella... but I was hoping that we could talk?" her nervousness didn't seem to fit and I nodded, leading her into the house and then gesturing for her to follow me upstairs – my bedroom would be the only place out of Charlie's earshot and I had a feeling that he didn't need to hear everything that we were going to be talking about.

Once we were settled in my room – Rosalie was seated on my bed while I sat in the old rocking chair by my window – we both remained quiet, neither of us sure where to begin. I hadn't known her for long... she had only moved to our small town about six months before and while she and Emmett had hit it off instantly and started seeing each other right away, she was always a little standoffish around the rest of the family.

"Look... Bella. I don't really know where to start, but I wanted to apologize for earlier. I know Emmett can sometimes be a bit of an oaf, and he doesn't always think about the things that he says beforehand. I hope you won't be upset with them but Emmett and Carlisle filled me in a little bit on your past and what you're going through right now." she spoke slowly and nervously and I wrapped my arms back around myself. I wasn't really sure what to say to her but I knew I needed to say something.

"I'm really sorry for running out and ruining your announcement earlier..." I mumbled weakly and she shook her head at me. "Don't be... we understand." she said firmly and I nodded, a single tear escaping from my eye at her words. I was such a mess and this day just kept getting worse and more jumbled emotionally.

"Do you... want to talk about anything?" It was strange. I hardly knew her and she seemed to come from an entirely different world. But somehow sitting in my room with her there across from me, both of us pregnant by Cullen men... I felt somehow connected to her as well and while I was just too emotionally drained at the moment to dive into things, I felt like maybe she would be a person that I could talk to eventually.

"Bella?" She seemed slightly alarmed as more tears began to flow again and I tried unsuccessfully to answer her question. I was just so exhausted... both mentally and physically.

I don't know what exactly I expected as I sat on the rocking chair in the corner, my knees pulled up to my chest and the tears flowing like a river down my cheek. But I know that I didn't expect Rosalie's arm to wrap around my shoulder as she came over and hugged me, softly at first but stronger as I reciprocated, holding her as I continued to cry. I felt awful. I knew I needed to get my crying under control but I couldn't seem to get a grip. Wave after wave of grief crashed down over me as I thought back through the day, past the last few years. Pretty soon I was stumbling up from the chair I was in, pushing the startled blond back as I raced for the garbage pail in the corner of my room. I wasn't even sure at this point what was upsetting my stomach more, the pregnancy – the stress – or the crying.

"Bella. You need to calm down sweetie." Rosalie's voice was soft but firm as she helped me stand back up and move over to the bed and I tried again to regain control, sucking in deep breaths of air, my whole body aching from the force of my grief. "That's it Bella, you need to calm down so you don't make yourself sick again." she said again and I continued to hold on, feeling my body relax as the tension gradually began to leave it and I felt my head begin to start pounding.

She didn't say anything else and I was grateful to her. As much as I appreciated her coming over, I was also grateful when she left again, both of us agreeing that it would be okay to talk another time when both of us weren't emotionally drained. It was only minutes after she let herself out that I was curled up in bed and being swept away in a whirlwind of dreams. I wasn't sure what was more torturous... my dreams or my memories.

***Well, there we have chapter three. I know it seems that there is a lot of information being thrown out all at once and pretty early on in the storyline, but it will all come together and start to make sense soon! I promise! Once again – let me know what you think, reviews make the fanfic world go round!**


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